my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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