I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
