I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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