I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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