You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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