end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
