remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
