I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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