im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
