shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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