I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
