we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
