just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
