Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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