I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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