How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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