she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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