cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
