how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
