Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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