Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
