The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
