My girlfriend figured out who you are.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
