i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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