I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
