I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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