the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
