At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
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I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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