I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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