we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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