Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
