help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
