we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
