its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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