He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
