Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
