dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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