Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
