it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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