Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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