There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
