Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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