I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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