just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
