Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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