Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
