Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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