Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
