She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
