Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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