I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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