I cannot find my penis.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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