I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
