apparently the secret to your success is patron
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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