What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
