I hate all girls vehemently.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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