It's Friday. Sex?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
