GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
