yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
