He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
