Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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