You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
