Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
