brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
