he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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