I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
