im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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