That's intense
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
