im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
