Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
