Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I want to have your abortion
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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