is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
