saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
