on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
