just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
