I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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