I haven't been this sober since birth.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
