I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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