He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
