why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
