his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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