Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
