I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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