clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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