If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
