I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
